Pretty Sure I won
I won!! I really did.. I think? maybe? OK…I am not so sure?
Deadline is only 5 days away. Friday night I sat down and started going through which images to enter in a national wedding photographer’s competition. For this competition, each season you have the chance to compete, racking up points (hopefully) for your annual placement. You can technically enter as many images as you want, as long as you are willing to pay the extra price.
I see the value in photo competition. It can lead to creative goal setting and be a phenomenal promotional and creditability tool. I participated in this particular competition in the first quarter of last year and then walked away. I would like to say I did so intentionally, but if my questionable memory serves me correctly I think I missed the deadline for the 2 nd quarter and then reframed it as choosing not to participate. So based on my first quarter participation last year, my annual tally left me at 27th. In past years I have placed in the top 15 regularly. I have also done well in other photo competitions. I am not going to pretend it doesn’t feel good, no it feels great – receiving an email that you placed well always results in a victory lap around the office.
As to if my clients or future clients care, or if it is important in this point in my career – I just don’t know?
What I do know is they care about is me being present and engaged for their session. They care about me creating photos that are true to them, and not just my own agenda.
What I also know is my sense of self-worth and how I grow that is changing.
So I didn’t enter and likely I won’t this year. In this exact moment as I sit in front of my computer writing, so close to my images and the entry page – I am feeling unsure about my choice. Am I avoiding competition because I fear not doing well or because of the excruciating pain of choosing favorite images? Am I being lazy? Or am I making the right decision by skipping over it and putting my personal resources elsewhere? Just thinking about it is taking so much energy. (Side note: I have been reading lately about the correlation between making slow decisions/over-thinking and stress.)
Instead: I went up the inspiring mountain 30 min from my house where I snowshoed with a loved one, drank tea , lay in the snow and took photos. I went to my second movie in two years with other loved ones. I read my book up to the last page. I slept in. With the sun coming in the window, and still in my pyjamas, I gleefully (yes, I really mean gleefully,) did all the cooking for the week. I baked with my daughter. I didn’t have one moment of anxiety or urgency.
This little choice was a milestone step in the ongoing pursuit of less-stress living.
Pretty sure I won.
In case you are food and recipe obsessed like me, I made: Apple vinaigrette kale rubbed salad, chipotle dressed sweet potatoes and corn bowls for lunches, tuscan tomato soup, muffins, granola, vegan gluten free dream bars, granola and biscuits.
Book completed: All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda
