Sad and in love. About awards, trump and writing to myself
After days on the couch with the flu I arose today with relief – the force randomly and intensly squeezing my gut and punching my head seems ready to exit.
Truthfully though, it hasn’t been that bad. I don’t hit the couch often and used the time wisely with a dreamy companion. My daughter, who could win a reality show for “the nicest sick person” was on the couch next to me. We took turns making tea, and snuggling our dog, who was experiencing the equivalent of a dog massage retreat.
My daughter and I also talked, a lot. About Trump. About being Jewish and the Jewish response to Trump. About choice. About fear. About education. About balance. While regulating my dialogue with my teen, I personally can’t turn away from the news and I don’t think I will. It isn’t the right solution for me.
Which brings us to the conundrum many of us Canadians are facing. What can we do?
Be grateful… check
Speak up… I can do more of this
Contribute… check
Stay educated…on it
Live your values, stronger and louder…on it
I had aspirations of writing something here that is original, that offers solutions. I can’t because I am still sorting it out for myself (I am looking for actionable items,) and additionally, maybe it is different for each of us. So I almost didn’t write – but I needed to make space for this. Then I almost deleted it all, but remembered my 2017 commitment to write like no one is reading.
So on that note, there is something else…
I am so sad but I am also in love.
I am resting. I have beautiful flowers next to me (thanks Dave), my friends are texting me hilarity, I am having meaningful conversations, my daughter and I just made a perfect omelette, the Smiths are playing in the background.
Right now, I have everything. For the last few months life has been especially gentle and this moment is a magnification of that state.
At the loving urging of my friend and stylist Ida I am heading to Roots to have my hair done to help me feel human again before heading out tonight to the Comox Valley Chamber of Commerce Business awards.
I am winning.
I am a finalist for Business Leadership this evening. I don’t care if I win. I know people say that, but I really mean it. To back that up, I will tell you I cared if I was a finalist – I really wanted it and was over the moon when it was announced. A few years back when I received Small Businesses of the Year, well I wanted that, and it felt amazing to be recognized.
So I am good now. What I care about, and why I am winning is I am entering a room with co-collaborators and role models. With risk takers, dream chasers and kind, generous souls – individuals who have made my work and passion possible.
This community is love. I know we talk about our ocean, mountains and rivers as the jewel of the Comox Valley but they are the frame for the true gold, the heart of the Comox Valley – the people. Tonight, I will look around that room and celebrate. It will make me stronger, braver and hopefully more effective.
I will make space this evening to take that all in and meanwhile I will hold space for sadness, anger, confusion. All the good, all the chaos – I am keeping my eyes open for all of it . I am giving myself permission to be sad, mad and in love.
Oh and about the photo of my dog – blog posts just don’t work without photos and this pup makes me happy (yes, that is joy happy face) and I need to start getting ready and this photos was handy.. and…well, why am I explaining it?
